Bare Minimum or Princess Treatment? Why Relationship “Standards” Are About More Than Flowers
The internet’s latest relationship debate has couples everywhere side-eyeing each other over surprise lattes and bouquet deliveries: Is that “bare minimum”… or “princess treatment”? It’s fun to watch couples playfully show each other their expectations. Social media has made it trendy to debate what counts as effort, what counts as romance, and where our relationship standards should actually sit.
It's entertaining but beneath the jokes, there’s a deeper relationship truth most of us skip over: Healthy couples have clear relationship guidelines. And knowing how to talk about those guidelines? That’s where real connection grows.
If you and your partner can openly, even playfully, talk about what you need to feel cared for? Celebrate that! Plenty of couples never learned how to express relationship expectations. Some avoid the topic entirely, worried it’ll trigger conflict, rejection, or feel “too needy.” In fact, many high-achieving, busy professionals (the lawyers, doctors, entrepreneurs, perfectionists) avoid these conversations precisely because vulnerability feels harder than negotiating a deal or saving a life. But clarity builds connection. Even when it feels awkward at first.
Relationship Standards: Your Personalized Blueprint
I am not a fan of setting “boundaries”. The word feels restrictive and like a rule I may end up breaking. So I prefer standards, which are things I want or things I am striving for. Think of relationship standards like the operating manual for your connection. These are standards, or intentions that you want to live up to, rather than prevent something from getting in.
Relationship standards can cover questions like:
✔️ What makes us feel seen, cared for, respected?
✔️ What’s our version of consideration?
✔️ What small, meaningful actions feel like next-level love for our relationship?
✔️ How can social media influence our relationship?
Without shared standards, partners play by different rules and sets the relationship up for failure. When we don’t konw what’s expected, our unmet expectations turn into resentment, confusion, or those endless “You should just know by now” arguments.
The good news? You can co-create those standards together. And even better, you can make the conversation playful, not pressure-filled.
How to Talk About Standards (Without Killing the Vibe)
Not sure where to start? Here are a few ways to ease into these conversations:
Use the Trend as Your Icebreaker: “Hey, have you seen those TikToks about flowers being the bare minimum? It’s funny, but it made me think… What are the little things that really matter to us?”
Play the ‘Princess Treatment’ Game for both of you: Frame it lightheartedly: “What does princess treatment look like for you?”
Create Your Relationship Guidelines Together: Block time to outline your version of:
Everyday connection (the “bare minimum”)
Special gestures (the “above and beyond”)
Communication expectations
Repair process when things miss the mark
Don’t forget… It’s not a rigid contract: it’s a living, evolving understanding of the expectations of our relationship. Our standards are something we should review on a regular basis to fine tune as our lives change. Did we get a dog last year? How do we update our standards to include caring for it. Did one of our parents move in? Update those standards again!
This Goes Both Ways: Everyone Deserves to Feel Cared For
In heterosexual relationships especially, there’s often an unspoken script: one partner (usually the woman) asks for more, while the other partner (usually the man) gets cast as the person who’s always falling short. But in real, healthy relationships, both people deserve to feel cherished, prioritized, and seen. Yes, men also need emotional support, softness, and connection. Yes, high-achieving partners of any gender can want to feel special, not just responsible.
Relationship guidelines should reflect the needs of both people and that includes making space for everyone to have their version of “princess treatment,” whatever that looks like for them. If one person is always the giver and the other is the benchmark, resentment builds. Mutuality is key and it starts with making space for both voices, both needs, and both nervous systems.
For Some Couples, This Conversation Feels Uncomfortable and That’s Normal
Does the idea of pushing this conversation make you squirm? You’re not alone. Expressing needs, defining expectations, or admitting you want more can feel vulnerable, especially if your history taught you to “just deal” or avoid rocking the boat.
But here’s the relationship reality: Silence doesn’t lower expectations, it buries them. And buried needs have a way of resurfacing as irritability, distance, or hurt. Starting the conversation, awkward or not, gives your relationship the chance to grow on purpose, not by accident.
Bottom Line: Standards Are Connection Tools
The “bare minimum” or “princess treatment” debate might be a viral trend, but the underlying lesson is timeless: Relationships thrive when couples communicate their guidelines clearly, consistently, and with curiosity. Your version of care, effort, and love doesn’t have to match what TikTok says but it does need to match what you and your partner build together.
And if figuring that out feels tricky? That’s where I can help couples turn awkward conversations into intentional connection. Just reach out and let’s talk!