When Belonging Blurs Our Thinking: How to Stay Grounded in a Loud World
Social Identity Across Communities: Politics, Sports, and Cultural Fandoms
It feels like everywhere we turn, we are being asked to pick a side. From immigration policy and health care debates to heated political conversations on social media, identity has become the primary lens through which many of us interpret events. People are aligning so strongly with political parties, ideologies, or cultural groups that disagreement is often met with hostility. These divisions create tension, anxiety, and a sense of isolation for many of us, even in spaces that once felt safe. At the heart of social identity theory is a fundamental human need: to belong.
Salvador Minuchin, in his later years, emphasized how deeply people crave connection and inclusion. Each of us carries layered identities: from gender and nationality to family structure and personal interests. These layers guide our interactions, inform our sense of self, and determine the groups we feel part of.
The same identity dynamics appear in areas we might not immediately associate with conflict. Sports fandom is a prime example. When new fans join a team’s community, such as after a major win or a high-profile player moves into the spotlight, long-standing members can feel crowded out or that their personal connection to the team has been diluted. Similarly, cultural phenomena like celebrity fandoms illustrate these dynamics. Passionate communities can form, but as new members arrive and assert their views, long-standing members may feel alienated or grieve the way the community used to feel.
Politics provides a parallel example. Issues such as immigration, anthem protests, or party affiliation often provoke strong emotional reactions. When groups feel their values or beliefs are threatened, they may respond with defensiveness, criticism, or exclusion of those who disagree. Just as with fandoms, strong political identity can increase belonging and pride but also amplify polarization and conflict. Recognizing these patterns across contexts allows us to step back, reflect on our emotional responses, and engage more thoughtfully with the groups we care about.
These layered experiences of identity, from politics to sports fandom to cultural communities, are exactly what Social Identity Theory helps us understand. By examining why these reactions occur, we can navigate tension more thoughtfully and recognize the ways our own sense of belonging influences our thoughts, emotions, and relationships.
A Personal Example: Kelce, Swift, and Grieving Belonging
For those who know me, you know I had been following the Kelce family for many years. I have been a dedicated Eagles fan and Jason was drafted to our team and so, my connection and loyalty started early. I supported Jason and Travis when they were young jocks with dumb ideas, I celebrated their family connection to each other, and as they grew up, I kept up with them. With Jason marrying a fellow Philadelphian, I felt even more connected. I began also following Jason’s wife and would smile every time I heard her accent. I admired Kylie and her joining the work the Eagles do with autism, I admired the sacrifies their parents made to get them both to where they were, and I repeatedly listened to their podcast long before it gained mainstream popularity. I knew their family history in depth and for almost 11 years felt a personal sense of connection to the family and their journey.
When Travis Kelce’s relationship with Taylor Swift began, my experience shifted. Swift’s fanbase dominated the conversation and began influencing the narrative in spaces I had long considered my own. Suddenly, the world I had felt connected to for over a decade felt crowded and unfamiliar and I did not seem to belong anymore. I began to feel alienated from the Kelce family and, surprisingly, developed a strong dislike for aspects of Taylor Swift culture. This reaction was not about personal dislike of Swift herself, but because I felt pushed out of a space I had cherished for years.
This experience illustrates how our sense of belonging is intimately tied to our identities. When the stability of our groups is challenged, even by new people entering a space we have long occupied, we can experience anxiety, grief, and relational tension. A lot of times it has nothing to do with the person (or group of persons) but, rather, our own identity and how we connect to it. Social identity theory helps explain why these reactions are natural and why they can feel so powerful.
Social Identity Theory
Social Identity Theory, developed by Henri Tajfel and John Turner in 1979, proposes that individuals derive part of their self-concept from membership in social groups. These groups can range from family and nationality to sports teams and political affiliations. People strive to enhance self-esteem by identifying with groups that are perceived positively and differentiating themselves from groups that are perceived negatively (Simply Psychology, 2023).
This process creates in-groups, or the groups we belong to, and out-groups, or groups we do not belong to. Social identity can provide comfort and connection, but it can also lead to biases, emotional reactivity, and conflict when group boundaries are challenged.
Social identity influences how we react in many areas of life. In politics, debates about immigration, the national anthem, or party loyalty can trigger strong, almost automatic responses. Similarly, in fandoms, loyalties can make us protective or critical, sometimes without even realizing why.
The key is noticing when our reactions come from identity rather than our personal reflection. By stepping back, we can start thinking for ourselves, even while still valuing the group we belong to.
Layers of Identity and Minuchin’s Influence
Salvador Minuchin emphasized the idea of layered identities. He described identity as arising from multiple family and social subsystems, including gender, nationality, family structure, and other contextual influences (Minuchin, 1974). Each layer contributes to our sense of belonging and shapes how we perceive our relationships with others.
In social identity theory, these same layers define the groups we feel part of or excluded from. Being a middle child, for example, might form an identity of often feeling overlooked. Being an Eagles fan can cultivate a collective identity that embraces an underdog mentality. Understanding these layers allows us to recognize the complexity of identity and how our reactions are shaped by both our personal and social contexts.
Emotional Consequences: Anxiety, Grief, and Conflict
When our sense of belonging is disrupted or threatened, emotional responses are common. As mentioned before, these include anxiety, grief, and relational conflict.
Anxiety: Feeling uncertainty (or fear) of exclusion from groups we value
Grief: Experiencing a sense of loss when our social connections or identity layers are challenged, or altered
Relational Conflict: Encountering tension, or disagreement wiht others who are interpreting the group identity differently or who hold different group affiliations
Recognizing these reactions as natural and rooted in identity can help us approach them with awareness rather than shame.
Evolving Identities Over Time
When we are fully connected to our identities, we also have to acknowledge that these layers are not fixed. Over time, identities can be created, removed, or matured as our experiences, priorities, and perspectives evolve. This process is a natural part of growth and does not mean we are losing ourselves; it means we are integrating new dimensions into who we are.
For example, as a child, dogs might have scared me, but as an adult, they have become an essential part of my daily life. Similarly, the movies we love or the hobbies we value can shift dramatically over the years. Our favorite film in our twenties may feel completely different from the one that resonates with us in our forties. These changes reflect both personal development and evolving layers of identity, reminding us that belonging and attachment are dynamic, not static.
Recognizing the fluid nature of our identities allows us to approach group membership and personal attachments with flexibility. It encourages us to honor the layers that still resonate deeply, let go of those that no longer serve us, and allow new layers to emerge naturally. This perspective supports emotional resilience and helps us navigate the grief and tension that can arise when familiar groups shift or evolve.
Engaging Critical Thinking and Differentiation
Critical thinking and self-awareness are essential tools for navigating complex identity dynamics. Drawing on Bowen’s concept of differentiation, we can maintain our sense of self while staying emotionally connected to our groups. This means noticing when reactions are driven by identity threats rather than objective evaluation and consciously choosing how to respond.
Minuchin’s structural perspective reminds us that belonging does not require blind loyalty. True belonging involves being connected while maintaining personal boundaries and recognizing the multiplicity of our identities. Practicing critical thinking allows us to engage with groups meaningfully without being fully swept into emotional reactivity.
For those inside the bubble
If you’re someone who really identifies with a group, political, cultural, or fandom-related, it’s natural to feel protective. Belonging feels good. It feels safe. But sometimes, we stick so closely to the group that we stop thinking for ourselves.
Both can be true. You can love your team, your party, or your fandom and still step back and ask, “Why do I feel so strongly about this?” I’ve had to do this myself. People often say that Eagles fans are the worst and are known for throwing snowballs at Santa Claus. When I hear this, my loyalty kicks in fast. My first reaction is to defend them and say “Santa probably deserved it”. But when I pause, I realize I wasn’t there and I don’t know the true context. And yet I can still be a fan. My feelings are about belonging, not facts. That pause helps me honor my loyalty without letting it control me.
You can do the same with politics, cultural debates, or any other identity. Ask yourself whether the beliefs you’re defending align with your personal values today. Your identity can evolve without losing meaning. Loyalty and thinking for yourself don’t have to be at odds.
Reflection prompts:
When do I react automatically to protect my group?
What am I really defending? The idea or my sense of belonging?
How can I stay curious before assuming I’m the only one who’s right?
Practical Guidance
To navigate the challenges of layered identities and group belonging, consider the following steps:
Pause and Observe:
Notice emotional reactions when your group feels threatened or when you feel protective. Label the feeling without acting immediately.
Check Alignment with Core Values:
Ask whether your response aligns with your personal principles rather than just the group’s norms.
Reflect on Evolving Values:
Consider how your priorities and passions have changed over time and which aspects of your identity are worth nurturing or letting go.
Practice Self-Reflection:
Recognize that your identity evolves over time. Your loyalties, fandoms, or political alignment can mature without being abandoned.
Engage Curiously:
Approach others’ perspectives with curiosity rather than defensiveness. For long-standing members of a group, welcome newcomers with openness. For those joining a new group, learn about the group’s values and history rather than assuming your perspective is the only valid one.
Seek Support:
Therapy or coaching can help navigate complex identity dynamics and strengthen relational resilience
Social identity shapes our emotions, relationships, and sense of self. From sports fandoms to politics, the challenge isn’t to abandon belonging, but to embrace the complexity of our layered identities. Pausing, reflecting, and practicing curiosity helps us navigate the tension between comfort and growth. Our loyalties and values may evolve, and that’s part of the journey toward maturity and understanding.
If you are navigating the tension between your personal identity and the groups you belong to, therapy can help you reflect, differentiate, and engage more thoughtfully. Schedule a session today to explore your layers of identity and strengthen your emotional resilience.
References
Bowen, M. (1978). Family therapy in clinical practice. Jason Aronson
Minuchin, S. (1974). Families and family therapy. Harvard University Press. Link
Simply Psychology. (2023, October 5). Social identity theory in psychology. Retrieved from https://www.simplypsychology.org/social-identity-theory.html
Tajfel, H., & Turner, J. C. (1979). An integrative theory of intergroup conflict. In W. G. Austin & S. Worchel (Eds.), The social psychology of intergroup relations (pp. 33–47). Brooks/Cole